On a scale of 1 to 10……..

All three of my children were born via c-section. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I got to schedule the day, make sure my hair and makeup looked good for the inevitable photos, and best of all, I got a morphine button. By the time I had number three, I was certain that this delivery and post-op recuperation would be quick like the first two.What I did not take into account was my age extra experience on planet earth and the tubal ligation that was performed with the c-section. What resulted was pain. I couldn’t get up and walk  to the cookies on the other side of my hospital room unassisted. It sucked, plain and simple.

Ric wasn’t used to seeing me down like that.  At one point a nurse came in to check whatever it is they check in the middle of a good percoset induced sleep. She asked the same old question I had heard every  time she came in my room:

Nurse: “On a scale of 1 – 10, what is your pain level?”

Me: “Oh, about a 3”

Nurse: “OK, let me know if you need another pain med. You were due for one an hour ago.”

Me: “OK, thank you.”

I thought Ric’s eyes were going to pop out of his head.

Ric: “Are you KIDDING me?????” You can’t even walk to the restroom because you hurt so bad and you say a THREE?????”

Me: “Well, as compared to someone with a gunshot wound in the abdomen or something like that, it is a three.”

Ric: “They are asking about YOUR pain at this moment as compared to what you normally feel. Not the gunshot victim down in the ER.”

Me: “Oh.”

I remembered this story yesterday as I was thinking about the situation in which I still find myself. For ten long months I have longed for my house in Missouri to sell. It is beautiful, surrounded by great neighbors, it has a garden that my husband and firstborn built for me when I had number two. I brought two of my babies home from the hospital to that house. I loved that house, and still do. I just REALLY want someone else to love it now. I want to love a new house.

My house has not sold. I have not bought a new house. That is not what I would have chosen. It is annoying and hard, but not life altering. I have been through  life-altering catastrophe and this isn’t even in the same ballpark.  It is an annoyance, plain and simple. It is for that reason that I haven’t really let go of it.

I would tell myself that I should suck it up and move on (any mother of three boys is familiar with that statement). “This is nothing compared to what ________ is going through” or “You’ve been through far worse, you should be content”.

I knew where I should be, but I just couldn’t get there. I would try to surrender, but it is hard to surrender something that you do not legitimize as a valid wound. I had to decide to accept the truth that God cares about my hurts and disappointments, big or small. Even though they are just annoyances, not cataclysmic events, He still knows I am having a hard time and cares. It’s ok if they are at a level 10 right now. He has the ability to heal them. All I have to do is ask.

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