My middle baby is about to turn five AND begin kindergarten. I am not handling it well.  At all.

When number one turned five and began his school carreer, I was melancholy, but it was ok. I didn’t even cry his first day of school. I saved that for the first day he walked to his class alone. He was ready. I was not. I fought every urge to  park the car, unload the baby and follow him through the halls, hiding behind each corner or large kid so he wouldn’t see me. The only thing that prevented me from doing this was that I was sure I’d get caught.  Instead, I sped home sobbing my eyes out and called his teacher to make sure nothing perilous fell upon him in the hallway.   He had made it, unscathed, that brave little soul. I had not come out so well.

Now we are down to a week and a half before I have to do that again. I now know what lies ahead, and I am filled with absolute dread. I wish I weren’t, but it’s where I am. Beth Moore once said that “dread discounts God’s grace”. I am trying to rely on that grace to get me through the next couple weeks.

At the beginning of summer I was worried he wasn’t ready for school. After all, he is a young kindergartener. This summer has proven to me that he is MORE than ready for the next stage. It also has shown me that I am not. The past five years have flown by at a mind boggling speed. And I know that part of my remorse right now is due to the fact that once school starts, it goes by even faster.

I also know that once the first week is over I will be fine. He will have exhaustion induced meltdowns that will make me more than happy to send my little angel to someone else for the day.  I will have time alone with my youngest that we have never experienced before. I look forward to that. It’s just getting through that monumental first week. Heck, the first hours of the first day seem insurmountable to me at this point.

So, here’s to Evan and his first year of elementary school. And the big F-I-V-E. I am so proud of him. I am so proud of all three of them. They amaze me every day. I am truly blessed and humbled to be their mother.


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