Hot Topic: First date buh byes

Let me set the scene: You just went out on a fabulous first date with someone awesome. And his eight year old little sister. And his dad. It went well. He invites you to his favorite family event of the year – Christmas Eve at his grandparents’ house. For some strange reason, this doesn’t seem uncomfortable or weird so you say “I’d love to”.

All day Christmas Eve you plan your outfit. You hope and pray your hair is good that night. Then, in some freak accident, your floss gets stuck between two of your molars. After that freakout you finally make it to the event and he’s there. Oh, he IS just as handsome as you thought AND his grandmother makes the most unbelievable coffee punch concoction you have ever tasted. Yep, this is pretty much love at first sight. The night is fun, but you just aren’t sure if he’s as into you as you are into him. It’s hard to tell in a room full of his family and honestly, it’s hard to pull yourself away from the coffee punch. Yes, it’s that good.

The goodbyes come and you think it went well enough to warrant a hug….it WAS Christmas Eve, after all. If not a full frontal hug, at least a good Southern Baptist side hug. He comes up to say goodbye and you know everyone is watching although they are pretending to do something else. You say something like “this was really fun, have a wonderful Christmas” and expect a gesture of holiday cheer from your date. You wait for the lean and instead you get the right hand of fellowship. He shakes your hand and says “have a good trip”.

Huh. If I had not gotten engaged to that man 6 weeks later, I would have thought he wasn’t that interested. Turns out he was. His argument was that he wasn’t going to french kiss me on the first second date with his whole family watching. My argument was that I thought the handshake meant he didn’t like me. This debate has been going on for a long time and so, in an effort to put all confusion to rest, I have come up with three ways to say goodbye to your first date.

  • The aforementioned side hug. It is not smothering or invasive of personal space, but still makes us (girls) feel as though you (boys) don’t think we have cooties.
  • A real hug. This is only if you are for sure that we are into you. If we have laughingly flipped our hair and touched your arm during the date, we probably won’t mind this hug.
  • A kiss on the cheek combined with a quick hug. No, the kiss doesn’t make us think you want to marry us tomorrow. It’s on the cheek. It’s sweet and innocent.

I really cannot endorse the handshake, although it did work for him. Here I am, almost 12 years later and I have no doubt the man loves me. How do I know, you ask? Easy. Every night before we go to sleep he shakes my hand and says he had a good day.

2 Replies to “Hot Topic: First date buh byes”

  1. First of all, I have to say you are much braver than I am for going to his family’s Christmas Eve gathering. And, I have to agree that there’s something about a handshake that screams “Let’s keep this platonic.” I’m thinking walking with you out to your car would have been nice, and maybe the side hug could have happened there? In any case, what matters most is the fact that you guys have a thriving marriage now. (For what it’s worth, I think Keith patted me on the back at the end of our first date.)

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